HomeSwearing
I swear.
Like, a lot.
I don't particularly like to swear. I just do.
My repertoire is not large.
Fuck. Shit. Cunt. Bitch. Arsehole. Bastard. Dickhead
What I lack in breadth, I make up for in frequency.
The usual derivatives and combinations all get a start.
Fuckwit. Arsehat. Cuntox. Dickhead. Cocksucker.
I'm no blackbelt in the sport, nor am I inventive/imaginative. The swearing I do would 99% consist of terms learned 50 years ago on the school playground.
Swearing for me is not an artform, or some angsty method of self expression. It is simply how I talk. Like an accent. Or a regional twang.
A statistically insignificant minority of my swearing is for pejorative or abusive purposes. Normally it is just fill, to maintain flow, or for emphasis.
I don't do it for dramatic effect, or for a reaction.
I have always sworn. One of my earliest childhood memories is prank calling someone from the public phone booth up on Alcester Street.
"G'day Mrs Bloody Fuckin' Bastard!", before slamming down the receiver and running away giggling inanely.
Good times. 🤔😔
&%$#@
Why do I swear so much? I'm going to claim it is cultural. It's how I grew up.
Swearing was rampantly endemic at my primary school. I was always amazed that I (and most of my friends) could swear like sailors on the playground, yet somehow automatically turn it off around adults and teachers.
I rarely slipped up.
Which was fortunate. My mother had (and still has) a poor reaction to such behavior. As in a "get caught swearing and cop a beating" type reaction.
One day my siblings and I were swimming in a dam with mum on the bank. Somehow I let slip a "fuck!" without realizing. Dragged out and whipped with a thick piece of lantana.
"DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS?!!"
I didn't, as it happens. It was a revelation that swear words might have meaning. Despite the pain, I was suddenly desperately curious to learn what THAT WORD meant.
&%$#@
Now, if you know me, all the above may surprise you. It is quite possible that you have met me many times and never heard me swear. I can not swear. I often not swear.
I accept that swearing can offend people, and this brings me no pleasure. I conform to societal expectations in this regard when I have to.
But I don't like to not swear. It feels performative and inauthentic.
I'm more offended by hypocrisy than epithets. My family will dress me down for swearing, yet sit through a mainstream movie chock full of F-Bombs with nary a word. None of them walked out of "Book of Mormon" and began expressing their disgust at the language used.
They suggest it is I who am the hypocrite for not swearing in professional settings.
"If you control yourself when it's socially required, then why do you swear around us?"
I have the opposite view. I think the real hypocrisy is that I don't swear in professional settings.
They are of the opinion that swearing is a symptom of indolence. Too lazy to to master the rich breadth of English expression. A sign of poor self control, intellectual incuriosity, cerebral sluggishness.
Meh. Maybe. I'm not sure of the the math there. Either way, I like being who I am.
&%$#@
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
"You've got to be shitting me."
"Ah. You cunt of a thing."
"Fuckin' really?"
Without a doubt my favorite swearers are the farmers of Far North Queensland. Fantastic down-to-earth humans with Italian and Balkan heritage.
"Fuck me. I fucken don't know how you got this cock sucking cunt to fuckin' work but, sure as shit, ya fucking did you fucking smart fucken bastard."
Music to my ears.