HomeOn Janice Petersen
There is only one Janice Petersen.
There will only ever be one Janice Petersen.
She is the undisputed empress of prime time broadcast news.
Talented, stylish, exotic, accomplished, intelligent. The superlatives required to do this person justice are as sand grains to beaches.
At my house we tolerate no other presenter. If we can't get our news from SBS and Janice we'd prefer not to know. The inscrutability of her enigmatic heritage is matched only by the mesmerization dealt from her flashing eyes and perfect smile.
I always feel disheartened for the other SBS news contributors.
Sorry Ricardo, you're kind of cool, but you're no Janice.
Anton? Mate, you do a good job, the deck is just stacked against you.
At least you two are blokes, so random internet clowns like me aren't likely to compare you directly with Janice.
Spare a thought for the other female presenters and reporters. Talented and accomplished in their own right. But who would know?
They all want to be Janice. I don't blame them. I want to be Janice.
And the random commentators and experts whom Janice interviews in live crosses? Lining up to appear in exchange for the privilege of spending time with Janice. Understandable. For a brief shining moment they are bathed in her radiant luminescence. Imagine the joy they feel! Probably the apogee of their existence. I envy them.
I don't know what Janice is paid. Likely nothing. What could SBS offer that would not be insultingly lilliputian compared to the value she provides? Presumably she donates her time as a philanthropic gift to the people of the world. Thank you Janice.
Who knows why Janice chose to read the news as a career. Doubtlessly she would have excelled in any vocation. There must be legion astrophysicists, champion marathon runners, Prime Ministers, and mining magnates who thank her daily. They know they owe their primacy solely to the fact that she chose a different path.
In the world of newscasting there is Janice, then daylight, then a lap around the paddock, then some more daylight, and then everyone else.
One day Janice will leave SBS. It will be a sad sad day. I hope I am dead and gone well before then.
EDIT 2022-11-01
Dammit. I left out "Effortlessly gracious" from that list of superlatives. 🙄
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